More and more I find myself writing about pain.
I don’t do it for sympathy, I write about it because
for a few minutes I am pain free, young again and full of energy.
The doctors say, “it could be this” or “it could be that”
“We need to do an MRI and CT scan to see what it might
I’m at the point of giving up. I know I won’t get better.
I can’t afford to keep paying for all the tests.
I’ve had swollen legs and feet since June and nothing
seems to help much. I’ve had an MRI and ultrasounds
and been checked by my cardiologist. I’ve seen
a neurologist and he has confirmed severe nerve damage
in my lower legs and feet.
Now my primary care physician says I have
an abdominal hernia in addition to my hiatal hernia. Might
need an abdominal CT Scan.
Anyone seeing a trend here? “might be”, “could be”,
“need an MRI”, “an abdominal CT Scan”,
“a lower lumbar MRI”. $200 copay per test.
Ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching!
No more I say. I’ve had enough. Just give me meds
to help the pain. No more tests with nothing to gain.
Nerve damage? No cure.
Scoliosis? Can’t be fixed at my age.
I’ll be 75 next May.
Let me be.
Susan says when the doctors know I’m coming,
they look at their computers and say, “Let’s see,
what can we tell him we THINK he MIGHT have today?”
I have lived in this chronic pain for 7 years now,
since back surgery for a herniated disc. Three years ago
I had arthroscopic surgery on my right knee. Two years ago
I had open heart surgery. Last year I had a knee
replacement of my right knee.
A CT Scan in April showed degenerative changes in the
spine and approximately 30 degrees of lumbar
scoliosis, along with a 1.6cm celiac aneurysm,
a small hiatal hernia and diverticulosis.
An MRI on my lumbar spine in June which showed
progressive scoliosis of the lumbar spine since
my earlier scan in 2012, with no disc herniation.
And they have not been able to fix whatever is
going on. Hell, until the neurologist, they haven’t
even figured out what part of it is.
Should I keep having tests and going more and more
in debt? Or should I say “ENOUGH!”
I don’t know.
I just want to go to sleep.
~The Tennessee Poet~
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