More and more I find myself writing about pain.
I don’t do it for sympathy, I write about it because
for a few minutes I am pain free, young again and full of energy.
The doctors say, “it could be this” or “it could be that”
“We need to do an MRI and CT scan to see what it might
be.”
I’m at the point of giving up. I know I won’t get better.
I can’t afford to keep paying for all the tests.
I’ve had swollen legs and feet since June and nothing
seems to help much. I’ve had an MRI and ultrasounds
and been checked by my cardiologist. I’ve seen
a neurologist and he has confirmed severe nerve damage
in my lower legs and feet.
Now my primary care physician says I have
an abdominal hernia in addition to my hiatal hernia. Might
need an abdominal CT Scan.
Anyone seeing a trend here? “might be”, “could be”,
“need an MRI”, “an abdominal CT Scan”,
“a lower lumbar MRI”. $200 copay per test.
Ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching!
No more I say. I’ve had enough. Just give me meds
to help the pain. No more tests with nothing to gain.
Nerve damage? No cure.
Scoliosis? Can’t be fixed at my age.
I’ll be 75 next May.
Let me be.
Susan says when the doctors know I’m coming,
they look at their computers and say, “Let’s see,
what can we tell him we THINK he MIGHT have today?”
I have lived in this chronic pain for 7 years now,
since back surgery for a herniated disc. Three years ago
I had arthroscopic surgery on my right knee. Two years ago
I had open heart surgery. Last year I had a knee
replacement of my right knee.
A CT Scan in April showed degenerative changes in the
spine and approximately 30 degrees of lumbar
scoliosis, along with a 1.6cm celiac aneurysm,
a small hiatal hernia and diverticulosis.
An MRI on my lumbar spine in June which showed
progressive scoliosis of the lumbar spine since
my earlier scan in 2012, with no disc herniation.
I’m tired.
I hurt.
And they have not been able to fix whatever is
going on. Hell, until the neurologist, they haven’t
even figured out what part of it is.
Should I keep having tests and going more and more
in debt? Or should I say “ENOUGH!”
I don’t know.
I just want to go to sleep.
~The Tennessee Poet~
©Walt Page 2018 All Rights Reserved
Walt, I am so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. It breaks my heart a little to hear that you have found little to no help. I will be praying for you!
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I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with it. I’ve had to. I don’t quit when things get tough. This is annoying and frustrating, but I am so much better off than so many others.
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Attitude is half the battle, and I’m so impressed and inspired by your fortitude
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Thank you KaylaAnn 😊💛
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Write your pain out as often as you need to. I know I’d be lost without my word escapes. Sending gentle hugs!
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Thank you Leigha. That means a lot to me dear friend 😌💛
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You’re welcome.
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❤
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You are such a strong, strong man to be going through all this and taking the time to write, Walt! You have a discipline and will that most in your place would never be able to muster. I take my hat off to my dear friend and Tennessee Poet! 💛
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Thank you so much Isha! Writing is what’s getting me through it. Plus wonderful comments like yours ☺
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:_( I recommend weed. Sorry you have had such a struggle, Walt. ((hugs))
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I would if I could get any. Thanks Susi, hugs back my friend. 🙂
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Sorry to hear you have all the doctors stumped!!! I have learned that with doctors and medical issues you have to be your own Health Advocate! Please don’t rely on your doctors opinions only. I would recommend you spend as much time as possible on the internet researching alternative medicine and home remedies. Sometimes an answer is hidden from view. We had a friend who’s sister had suffered with tons of stupid diagnosis until they found she had a hiatal hernnia and after that she escaped 15 years of suffering. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Dear Friend!!!
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Thanks Chuck, I’ve been researching ☺
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Good! Very glad to hear it!! Knowledge is power!!!
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☺
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My grandmother lived for 20 or more years with balance problems the doctors just couldn’t figure out… until my mother had an aneurysm burst…then they found 4 in her brain. Sometimes they even miss the obvious….
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Now you have me worried about my brain, lol! Are you in NH?
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Lol yes. The burial is today. Reading WordPress to keep my mind off of it…
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I’ll be there with you in spirit. 🙂
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❤️ thanks Walt. It’s been a day
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Hugs to you dear friend… You ok?
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Yeah. At the airport heading back to Florida. I’ve had enough of NH for now!
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I always loved NH as a kid.
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It’s nice but too cold for me! It was 70 degrees warmer when I got to Florida than when I left NH….🙄
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Everything you write, Walt, every time you put pen to paper, you are showing all the ways in which you will never give up! Sending love and healing thoughts to you, my friend!!!!
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I’m just multi-dimensional I guess 😀 I worry about writing about it so much lately. Thank you for the.love and healing thoughts… They are working! 😊💛
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Write about whatever you need and want to Walt….just keep writing!!!!
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Ok Mom ☺ Not to worry, I will 😌
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Susan’s are wise women!!!!!!
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Yes they are 😊💛
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Keep the pecker up Walt (not gutter talk this side of the pond) if I had the magic potion to ease your pain I’d gladly share but I don’t expressing/sharing, if it keeps the mind off pain only for that few minutes then keep sharing your wordpress family are there with you.
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Thank you Chris. This definitely made me smile my friend 🙂
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Some chronic paid can only be managed, Walt. I suffer back pain too which is also incurable. Pain killers is the best way.
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I know. I’ve been on them for 7 years.
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Oh, dear friend, I so don’t enjoy reading this. I wish I had the solution. 😊❤️
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Awww shucks.Ma’am, this old TN Poet ain’t gonna let this stop him! 😊💛
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Damn straight!! 🙂 ❤
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I would reply, but you would tell me to get my mind out of the gutter.😜
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😛
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😀
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I am so sorry you are going through all this Walt 😦 I hope it does get better, but like you, I also suffer from conditions that are unlikely to ever get relief and that is so hard to deal with.
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I know you are Maranda, and many others dealing with issues worse than mine.
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Chronic pain is simply awful 😦
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I can “ouch” for that!
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I am so sorry for you. I hope you’ll make it through. I pray you’ll have strength and rest.
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I will make it. I don’t give up and I don’t quit.Thank you my friend for your kind words.
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I have nominated your blog for the Sunshine Bloggers Award. Please check my post
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Thank you so much Sadje. I am honored, but I keep my blog award free. It’s hard to find time to write, etc.
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That’s okay. I understand.
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☺
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I’ve been in chronic pain for about 11 years now. I need knee replacements but they won’t do it for this reason or that reason. Always an excuse. I understand the pain and being tired of it all. I had a paraesophageal hiatal hernia about 3 years ago and had that fixed. Gallbladder removed a few years before that. Other miscellaneous problems along the way… My legs swell up the ankles and none of the doctors have EVER even noticed, without me mentioning it first. Just a few weeks ago for the first time, a doctor noticed on her own and suggested compression stockings to help with the swelling and circulation. Trouble is finding the right size that won’t cut off my circulation altogether! It’s just one thing after another. Getting sick of it all. Can’t give up. Not me. Not you either. We can’t let them win. ❤
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They won’t beat us! I use compression socks and they have helped with the swelling somewhat. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers 😊
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And I’ll be thinking of you and praying that you get the help and relief you deserve.
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Thank you so much Deb 😊
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You can’t give up. I won’t let you.
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I appreciate that Bojana 😊
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I see your point, Walt! So sorry that you are having so much pain and discomfort! If the diagnosis will not alleviate the pain… then why continue to pay for additional tests? The cost of medical care is out of control! Steve Markesich….said it the best, “That is why they call it a “practice”.” Maybe alternative medicine might be worth consideration. 💙
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Thanks Patty. Maybe alternative is the alternative. 😊
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These tests and no conclusions can be so frustrating …….I hope and pray you find a solution soon . Btw have you considered alternate treatments
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Thank you Sakshi. Maybe alternative is the alternative! 😊❤
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😊 anything that helps
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You don’t seem to do things
by half measure, Walt.
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Full on David. The only way I know. It’s how I live and it will be how I die.
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The sure sign of an
awesome drummer.
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Thank you David!
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That is why they call it a “practice”
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Excellent point Steve! Thank you!
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